You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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