Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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