i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
