just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
