She went from zero to smokin in five shots
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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