Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
