Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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