The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
