you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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