have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
