I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
