I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
