We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
