Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
