i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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