all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
