i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Shame - the story of my life.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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