why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
