I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
