Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
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