i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
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