I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
