I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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