I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
