Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize