A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
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