well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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