this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
