fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
