I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
