Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
