i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
my shit smells like andre
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
