I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
