why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
