He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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