What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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