Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
