....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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