just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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