quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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