You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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