Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
vagina is talking i cant
No subtext here. People are naked.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
