never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
It was confusing and full of hummus
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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