2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
