My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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