i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
