20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
