I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Bring me that man meat
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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