this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
