Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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