I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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