I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
