I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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