would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
