i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
