I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
