atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
