period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
