I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
