New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Welp...herpes.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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