Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
