I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
