Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
we made out on top of his cat.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Sext me about skeletons
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
