The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
